Was it ever true though?

Lights out Alice!

The question that keeps running on a loop in my head is why did I ever get to head over heels over that person in the first place? Was it just because they were emotionally mature enough to understand me and for the first time in a long time I wasn't lonely and someone would be swooned by my actions and was trying to understand me? Believe me, I have asked this question multiple times a day for the past three months and I have failed to come to a conclusive answer as to what was the reason for my behaviour.

I am not without flaws, many of them seriously debilitating in my ability to be a "normal" person and the same could be told for that person, although to a far lesser extent and they were far more normal. But NEVER for once did I find these issues as a hinderance, just obstacles that I needed to work towards and overcome.

Was I compromising too much? How many red flags was I ignoring that should have been considered? Was my optimism misplaced? Was I too naive to think that it could all be worked out?

Am I too attached to let go just because I am afraid to be alone? Was this pulling out all stops level of effort an outcome of the fact that I have never been in a relationship and due to peer pressure and the fact that for the first time someone was nice to me, I extrapolated their nicety to feelings and mistook the entire situation?

I know I will have hope, hope that the person sees my true feelings and comes back to me, but at that point, would that even be a good idea? I know I would still want them around, but I also know for a fact that they are NEVER coming back and you know what Alice...I STILL MISS THEM. This might be an unhealthy problem that might have arose from my lack of experience in this field, which is why I am now keeping quiet and not expressing my emotions altogether, but for now, in this moment, I just picture them and see that it could all be okay...yes, there would be ups and downs but I would strive to be better to be worthy of that person.

Lights out Alice!