Lights out Alice!
The past couple of days have been hard because I took the stupid decision of looking back and reopening past wounds. I had barely recovered and this was the last thing I needed. I am again spiralling and simmering in those bad thoughts and a negative mindspace, thinking of all the things that I did wrong and figuring out all the ways in which I could have behaved differently to ensure that the outcome was different.
What hurts is the fact that I am trying to treat the person with dignity and grace, and I am mostly sure that the other person is trying to do the same from their end. But some actions and most statements are most inconsiderate that they make me feel ashamed for feeling the way I felt about that person. I understand not reciprocating the same emotion and not feeling the same way like I did, but then I would try to break ties with the other person so that we can move on in our lives. This person, because they are wiser (not sarcasm) has reached the emotional maturity level where they can still be connected, yet disconnected to the point wherein they did two things that hurt me:
I know I do a lot of things for people, but calling it out and labelling me as that and then using me for stuff and then rationalizing it is something that hurts. A lot.
Next, trivializing my feelings also really hurt me to the core. I understand that you do not feel the same way. But mocking me to the point where I feel like I am stupid for having felt and shown it out loud...that hurts.
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