Lights out Alice!
Obviously when shit goes wrong, it goes wrong to some decent extent given that threshold for quantifying shit as shit increases the more shit you go through in life.
Other than the obvious shit that went wrong a couple of days back in Gurgaon, I have been messing up big time when it comes to the relationship with M. She is going through a low where she is missing both her kids, who now live out of town and when she gets news about other people around her having family style gatherings, weddings or meet-ups, it irks her and she does get affected by it. Given the dumbo I am, my solution to this low is to snap her out of it by a stern reply. Yes, it sounds dumb and is dumb but it is just in my nature to ask people to "suck it up" even though I have never been able to. What ensues is again expected, I escalate the tension, they respond to it by escalating it a notch higher and me being the person who never backs down, even though it is wise to do and I was the root cause of the escalation in the first place, matches that tone. A few more rounds of tension escalation later, I am questioning myself on the need to come to this juncture and M is on the verge of a tearful breakdown and is calmly trying to remind me that this it the most hurtful way that this conversation could go.
Sidebar: I don't know why, but I can be very considerate with random strangers or even friends. I can listen to them and hear them out, without needing to ask them to be better or stronger about it. I accept the situation and their response as it is but do not try to judge them. I don't get why I cannot, for the life of me, do the same when it comes to family. When it comes to family, I always have to ask them to "toughen up", always have to chide, mock or prescribe "be better". Why do I have this issue? Why do I compulsively screw my actual relationships but am ready to work better with random stranger and be compassionate with them?
WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME, ALICE?
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