BS TIME WASTE CB 29.11

How does socialisation work?

Is there any marketing insight by knowing this?

Why isn't every chair the most comfortable chair ever? If there is a certain ergonomic styling that works better, why isn't it followed by everyone?

What is the marketing implication of a overbearing mother versus a mother that let's their ward explore and find their own way?

Six categories of mom: The Balancer, The Protector, The Nurturer, The Struggler, The Diva, The Stoic

DINKS - Double Income no Kids

The Balancer - multitasker, married, kids, working career woman, teaches children to become good consumers

The Nurturer: Sacrifices a lot to meet the wants of her children. Trusts well-known companies and brands

The Diva: Self focused and seeks acceptance from others. Is a conspicuous consumer. Views her children as part of

Parental styles and Consumer Socialisation:

X scale: Very Nurturing to Not Nurturing

Y scale: Permissive to Restrictive

Indulgent, Neglecting, Authoritarian, Authoritative

How families make purchase decisions:

Husband-dominated decision, Wife-dominated decisions, Joint decisions, Autonomic decisions

What affects the relative influence of a husband and wife on a particular consumer decision?

Why did Honda Navi fail in India? Does quirk even work in India?

Are we aware of our social class? How much of our decision making dependent on this?

My current shitty situation with M

 Lights out Alice!

Obviously when shit goes wrong, it goes wrong to some decent extent given that threshold for quantifying shit as shit increases the more shit you go through in life.

Other than the obvious shit that went wrong a couple of days back in Gurgaon, I have been messing up big time when it comes to the relationship with M. She is going through a low where she is missing both her kids, who now live out of town and when she gets news about other people around her having family style gatherings, weddings or meet-ups, it irks her and she does get affected by it. Given the dumbo I am, my solution to this low is to snap her out of it by a stern reply. Yes, it sounds dumb and is dumb but it is just in my nature to ask people to "suck it up" even though I have never been able to. What ensues is again expected, I escalate the tension, they respond to it by escalating it a notch higher and me being the person who never backs down, even though it is wise to do and I was the root cause of the escalation in the first place, matches that tone. A few more rounds of tension escalation later, I am questioning myself on the need to come to this juncture and M is on the verge of a tearful breakdown and is calmly trying to remind me that this it the most hurtful way that this conversation could go.

Sidebar: I don't know why, but I can be very considerate with random strangers or even friends. I can listen to them and hear them out, without needing to ask them to be better or stronger about it. I accept the situation and their response as it is but do not try to judge them. I don't get why I cannot, for the life of me, do the same when it comes to family. When it comes to family, I always have to ask them to "toughen up", always have to chide, mock or prescribe "be better". Why do I have this issue? Why do I compulsively screw my actual relationships but am ready to work better with random stranger and be compassionate with them? 

WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME, ALICE?

A look back

Lights out Alice!

I got curious when I reviewing my last post as to what the first ever post on this blog was. I am pretty sure the one posted is just one of the multiple "stimulus" that would have been crucial in this push towards jotting down my brain farts. The word in the last sentence is in quotes because it is a nod to the first post. Do check it out if you have the time. There is shimmering slivers of subtle brilliance in the prose and even though it reeks of an amateur, it embraces you with the purity that only one's true innermost thoughts can present themselves in. It is somewhat heartening for me to see that when it all started, it did start from a place of truth and my writings have mostly been a good approximation of my innermost thoughts and desires. This no doubts also points to my aversion in sharing them publicly as this is pretty personal to me and I would never be this comfortable opening up to this extent to any one person. However, the fact that I do publish it in some remote and non descript corner of the internet instead of keeping it on personal drive also points towards the subtle need for gratification and a longing desire to be recognized by people. This trait of external validation that I seek in a subtle manner is infuriating to me as it points towards the manifestation of a childhood trauma other than the obvious problem of it being a very bad trait. 

Given the unprecedented upheaval and turmoil in the last few days, I would never be stupid enough to venture into saying that there is a tomorrow for this blog and now that I have brought up this thought into my cognition, there is no chance in hell that this survives. However, as was taught to me, I will be grateful in this moment of all that I have received in my life, especially this good period in terms of being able to write two crappy paragraphs at least once a week. It would be foolish of me to assume that this would last forever, but hopefully I turn back to this whenever I am feeling low or need to pour out my innermost feelings out to the world in a manner that it out there in the open for people to discover, however, I wouldn't want anyone to discover it as well. Although I won't go into it right now, that requirement of creating a mystique and an aura around me is pretty indicative of my need for validation and is also not a healthy habit.

Regardless of my shortcomings Alice, all I have is hope and I hope that I can hang on to this hope through tough times! 

Thorns in Roses

 Lights out Alice!

It had been a while since life had thrown a major curveball and hence internally I was bracing myself for one. Although, I don't think the kind of curveball that was thrown at me was anywhere close to significant levels of probability for me to even remotely consider it in my horizon. On second thought, isn't that the very definition of a curveball?

Once again, in midst of all this, I am also torn with the prospect of letting my walls down with 225, which again occupies my mind in terms of the dilemma between walking away and never opening up or ending up hurting someone. All the while I need to also remember that I haven't checked of her availability or interest, both of which should be clear at the start. The problem with insisting on this clarification is that then things can never go back the way they were before. The problem with the previous line even is the fact things NEVER really go back to the way before. It is just a hiccup in our head and with every passing second, things change. It changes for the better sometimes, but most of the times it just gets worse and in some rare occasions does it change for the worse to actually make it better.

Don't worry, the above paragraph was not my usual tangential digression in that it was intentional in helping delay writing about the shit that life has thrown. I don't think I would ever be able to spell out clearly what went down but I do rue the fact that 233 has an inkling of the situation. Generally, big shit type of things are something I never really share with anyone and just lie through my teeth in explaining everything but the actual thing. That's just me and my walls that end up alienating me from people and preventing me for ever really opening up. That is sad I know, but hey, I am trying to adapt to it the best way I know without losing my head or hurting others. Life does not come with any manual on how to deal with shitty situations of epic proportions and in those moments I just hope and pray that the things I utter are not wrong or hurtful but just an honest conveyance of my sentiments regarding the matter. Funny thing in all of this is how we are taught so much about knowledge, education and scientific matters but are never really taught how to deal with life. Maybe because nobody has really figured it out or maybe we are all just pretending.

Whatever the case maybe Alice, I just hope things get better for them soon!

There you go...you did it again you dumb fart

Well Lights out Alice!

I did it again. I F***ing went ahead and shot myself in the foot again. I messed it up all over again.

Not sure, mostly because I am weak, but I had a bad day which was made worse by the choices I made and the stupid statements I made. Usually when I run my mouth, it just causes small amount of grief, to which I am not used to. This time, I screwed it up big time. Who am I kidding actually, I always mess up royally.

You know the stupid shit that I did. I hurt the other person. The one thing that I always told I would never do. I freaking went ahead and did it. Who talks to another person like they are always sad and it is always gloomy and bad? I do and I am dumb enough to think that it is the right approach to things. I don't know how irreparable things are but I don't think sorry is going to cut it this time. 

Tell me you dumb fart, why did you do this...you already knew you were having an awful day, you also hit your head and most importantly, you fought with your parents earlier in the day. After the mid afternoon squabble with parents, it has been pretty much downhill after that. I screwed it up big time. I knew that I was pressing the buttons of my mother when she was already writhing in pain and I still continued to poke her on it. Obviously she was pissed.

I couldn't say it on your face because I am a phattu 225, but I am sorry for the hurt I inadvertently caused by implying that there is something wrong even though I was the one who made the speech otherwise just the other day. What a bloody damn idiot. Who is stupid enough to do this to hurt another person? Why am I so dumb? Why can't I just stay in my lane? Why did I want to go ahead and feel?

BLOODY DAMN IDIOT I say Alice!

What do you hear?

 Lights out Alice!

"Close your eyes and listen...what do you truly and honestly hear?"

What you choose when in a crowd is not representative. What you choose when you sit down in silence, when there is nobody around you to force you into things, when there is nobody around you to make you do to opposite because you want to defy convention, when it is yours and yours alone to own up to, then, it is then that your choice matters. It is at that time, your ethics, morals and principles and their true nature will come out. It is at that time you can choose growth or you can choose escape.

What makes you great is not how good you are, but how willing you are to develop yourself, your beliefs, your skills, your relationships on a daily basis, regardless of the circumstance, regardless of the shit you are going through and regardless of what the society dictates. You make of yourself by defining what you want to be, not out loud in public, but in those deepest of trenches of your soul where your mind and heart discreetly meet every night to discuss you and where you are headed.

Late night musings 22.11.22

 Funny thing Alice!

It's funny how heartbreak leads to wisdom, heartache leads to increased cognition and break-ups lead to sensitization towards other person's feelings. The common theme here is that you have to go through these painful moments to find clarity and personal growth. I think this is a great source of conundrum for people like me who would rather never get into any human connection than be a source of hurt for themselves or for others. But this increased cognition and awareness state while being more understanding only comes in these moments of pain and every writer or poet would want to have more such moments to give themselves more opportunities to write better. 

At what cost though? At what point are you just seeking pain for the sake of content and not for life experiences? At what point do you inadvertently align yourself towards heartbreak so that you can write better? If the key to unlocking deeply personal and relatable writing content is sad moments, do we actively or sub-consciously pursue it? 

This situation is especially funny for me Alice because I had previously decided to wall myself off and here I am years down the line, leaving myself vulnerable in front of people I am seeking affection from them, knowing very well that they are not looking at me the same way, waiting to be hurt and broken. Does this mean I am seeking pain? Does this mean that I only try in areas where failure is all but guaranteed and then mope around on failing and then blame myself for trying?

Stupid emotions

 It's over Alice!

No, it is not the starting of another sappy break-up story. It is more of the end of a great and unexpectedly long era of indifference which sadly marks the beginning of a not-so-awesome period for me. Confused? Well, that's my normal state of mind. Let me try to explain in some detail.

The last time: After the abrupt end with P, way back in January of 2018, it took me a long time to recover from the aftermath and be okay. For a very long time, I was holding on to false hope, waiting for P to "come back to her senses" and realize the mistake she had made (that was then; the current me does not believe that it was a right or a wrong, it was just a decision and it did not go in my favour). Why should I beg and plead, I rationalized with myself, I had done nothing wrong after all. Again, let me clarify and highlight that I currently do not have the belief that how things turned out to be was right or wrong, black or white since I only experienced it from my perspective, a very selfish one at that. Anyways, (digression and rolling off on tangents is a very common way of existence for me) I don't remember whether as a choice or because of the hurt caused from this experience or simply because I was always bad at interactions and a "bit weird" (as 225 keeps telling me), I decided to draw up walls all around me and stop caring about people or interactions.

Another side note: I avoid general conversations that normal people seem to frequently like to have, talking about people and their behavioural idiosyncrasies and how it would annoy them (take note of the fact that this assessment would be purely biased and opinionated in general and nothing more than gossip). Note, I specifically choose to avoid it, which means that when I actually end up in such conversations and people pass some remark about me, I tend to overanalyze it and let it get under my skin. What's even funnier about this situation is that I am unable to take with the same indifference the snarky remarks I so often make in most conversations that I am a part of ( 95% of my conversations are banter filled).

Two statements made a few days ago by two people still lingers in my head, 72 hours on:

Statement 1: "There are days that you are the jolliest fellow around and then there are days that you mope around with the most foul of faces and moods ("saru" is the exact word used)". 

I still can't put a pin on why it got under my skin the way it did. Mostly because the first question that I asked myself when this statement was made was whether I was supposed to always be "happy and jolly" to people around me, regardless of what I was going through? Obviously my understanding tells me that this is true in a professional setting where personal anguishes need to be kept aside and work needs to continue. However, being a human (somewhat?) am I not supposed to have bad days or am I supposed to just pretend to be happy all the time? Do they not realize that this would be a fake front and all it would ensure is that all my interactions with people are at a superficial level and never at a meaningful level? 

Statement 2: "Everyone knows you are a bit weird" - Maybe this got to me because I was trying to covertly impress the person that made this statement. Funny thing here again is that on any other occasion and with most other people, I would actually wear that "weirdness" with pride and shrug off the implied negativity in the same way we dust our pants when we get up from sitting on the playground. However, being the over-analyzer that I am, that generalization to "everyone" hurt me. Plus the fact that this statement implied that that person agreed with the assessment on some level. I would any day agree that I am weird, but being the typical hypocritical self that I am, I don't take it well when other people tell me the same thing on my face.

How it stands:  As it stands, it has gotten to the point, I don't know why though, repetition probably, that I cannot tolerate small talk or frivolous hang out sessions where there is no outcome to be gained. Yes, just like it sounds, it is very selfish and greedy but I don' like just not getting somewhere. Although I would be remiss if I didn't clearly point out that this drive is nowhere near the level it used to be when I was in my prep time period. I keep going back to it as the high point in my academic/ work focus/ growth/ execution focus because I had clear cut goals, clearly defined motivation to achieve the end objective and a path that I stringently followed in getting there. It did not matter to me whether I failed on a per day basis or not, as long as I put in the time and the effort. I look back at that time and the clarity of purpose and the no holds barred singular focus level of effort put in becoming better is something I hope I can find in my life again. Sadly, I also know how hard that level is to reach and how I will probably never be good enough or as focused as I was at that time. Although, I would also like to write as a self-disclaimer and a heads up that I hope more than not getting to the level or mental focus or clarity that I had during cat prep, I actually don't get complacent and start slacking off in life. I really hope that I do not become the person who has big shot plans that are drawn up when going through a good time only to fall apart at the slightest inconvenience. 

Persistence is something that I hope I can inculcate as this has been my biggest takeaway from MBA: You limit is as high or as low as you are willing to push yourself. There is no real barrier against learning something other than the barrier we create for ourselves in our head. In today's day and age, anyone can actually learn anything, but the fundamentals remain the same. What is our motivation to learn something and what do we hope to gain by learning that thing are the two questions that need to very clear to us right from the start. No, peer pressure, herd mentality and the trendy things to do is not the right answer. We need to understand our personal reasons, expected outcome and how we are going to get there. If these questions are not clear, they will never act as a rock to steady our ship in turbulent times and we will fall over. 

Hating the hurt: I am pretty sure I am not the only one who hates being hurt or being in limbo/ going through heart break. The longing, the moments spent obsessing over how the other person, who by the way, has no clue about such feelings or even the existence of one, would take the admission of such feelings and how we will go about integrating our lives with them or get over this feeling when this ends. 

The worst part is trying to judge when our emotions are playing with us and when we should act upon them. 

The S saga part 2

Disclaimer: S, it is not meant to be a sensationalization of the situation but just my version of events wherein I try to point out my errors...so don't get mad.

Well, I took the leap, decided to ask the person out for dinner just to gauge the situation. Turns out, already taken. Didn't want to broach further because, well, because I am not that guy. I just walk away. It sucks because this was another instance when I was trying to open up ans get close but was unsuccessful in finding a confidante.

As highlighted by that person, T is an important confidante and I hope it extends beyond the years but mostly I think the issue lies with me. I am unable to go beyond the normal and just stick to surface level interactions. Maybe I can't be there at that level with a friend and the sad fact is that I dare expect that in return even though I am not reciprocating equally. 

Also, it comes back to the question, as aptly raised by S, why we think we would need friends anyways.

Additionally, I don't know what I was expecting from this given that I never communicated it properly enough and the interaction was never at that level enough but I am currently disappointed and at some levels broken. This attempt to find someone to talk to on a deeper level was unsuccessful, as all signs had already indicated and I had braced myself for the same, yet somehow I find myself sad. Sad because again I think I failed to connect with human beings and sad because I am lonely in a crowd and have that cliched belief of "nobody really understands me".

Reminder to self: You bloody idiot, nobody really understands you because you treat them like shit and because we are all searching for ourselves and don't have the bandwidth to actually look up and be there for others. Nobody will come to save you. We are only ones who have to pick up after themselves and dust ourselves of. We all deal with pain and doesn't matter how much we feel we are suffering and others are not, the reality is that all of us are dealing with pain inside. Some bear it better than others, some not so well but there are but only a few exceptions to this. Hence this understanding needs awareness that people are dealing with their own shit and need to be forgiven for not being there for you when you needed them.

The S Saga

 Lights out Alice!

I have gone and done it again. I have made the mistake of opening up once more. I have done the dreaded deed of developing some kind of feelings for a person. The worst part is that I would not allow myself to act on it till I sure of my intentions and their availability. A sort of perfect information situation that would help me take the best decision for this circumstance. Oh, how naive when we already know that perfect information that can be the basis of life decisions DO NOT EXIST. Plus, there is the added consideration that I do not want to be the source of hurt for any person. I would rather cease to be a part of their life, continue leading a life filled with resentment and chances not taken than walking down a road where I might end up hurting someone. This sounds stupid and is a sure shot path to loneliness. But hurting someone is a gamble I am not willing to take but withdrawal also means that I never get to check if the feeling was mutual. All I get is resentment, something that leads to a lot of frustration and unwarranted fits of rage in everyday life. It is the starting point of a bad spiral, which if left uncontrolled, can lead to a very deteriorated personal life.

I guess that is a chance I have to take since I don't think I have the stomach to hurt someone I kind of care about. What the hell is this situation wherein I am damned if I go ahead and express my feelings and there exists someone else in the equation versus withdrawing and bottling my emotions to the point that they are supressed in a corner till I essentially "get over it". If I go ahead with the former and do not get a favourable result out it, it will just lead to an awkward situation wherein we will never be able to get back to things the way they were before. Withdrawal just means that my behaviour will be labelled as rude and arrogant and I will be the bad guy. Over time, they will forget about me and all I will have is my regret and painful thoughts to keep me company.

The problem is that my default choice is always choose loneliness over hurting people. But then I also rationalize that hurting people is inevitable and hence should not be a consideration factor in my decision making since future is unknown. We only regret the actions not taken and not the mistakes committed. But, the equation still involves another person, their feelings and as far as possible, I would never like to hurt anyone.

Back at this merry go round Alice. Sorry for all the crap that I unload on you and you have been a patient listener. I also apologise for not being a better person and being able to articulate better. Thank you for your unconditioned patience and unreciprocated allegiance Alice!

How I am harboring anger and projecting it on people that did not cause it

 Lights out Alice!

Well, as humans, we are bound to make mistakes and commit gross errors that are just an outcome of the circumstance more than just an outcome of the person being wrong or mal-intentioned. A lot of the time I fail to take into account that every conversation, every experience has a set of underlying circumstance built into it that actually drives the outcome of that experience, good or bad, happy or sad. In effect, there are variables that we have identified that can contribute to the outcome and then there are variables that we have not identified that do play a significant role in the outcome but their relevance is lost on us. An example of the same would be when we are having a bad day, we sometimes over-react on a situation that goes slightly out of kilter. At this moment, we might later on attribute our over-reaction to the fact that we had a poor day and chalk it up to learnings but the next level of understanding tells us that the other set of people who were part of that outburst might not know the circumstances that led up to that event and if it is the first or part of a rare set of interactions with us, they would form a skewed understanding of our nature and abilities.

KP- I am wrong - I resent it - Not her fault - My bad - I am dealing with it poorly - My behaviour has been pathetic - But what was the other option - How do I get it out of my head and how do I not harbour that - How do I move on and how do I behave better - What would be her side and what is my experience - Why I am choosing to not be a friend of convenience - Does it make me a bad person? - Yes, it does because I am lashing out on a person for something that is out of their control - They never told me to feel the way I did and they did the honourable thing of clarifying intentions on the outset - on top of that, I saw it coming and yet it hurt so much...and that is on me, not on them

Types of Behavioral Learning

• Classical conditioning
• Instrumental (or operant) conditioning
• Observational (or modelling) learning

Classical conditioning - Pavlovian response

Who does your mass market campaign appeal to? Does TG matter here? When should the focus be on the brands over a specific product? Does product purchase frequency matter?

Habits are formed as a result of rewards received for certain responses or behaviours

Reinforcing behaviour:

• Positive and negative reinforcement

Headache medicines are promoted using negative reinforcement

Negative reinforcement is the irritating sound when seatbelts are not put. Speeding is a punishment and not negative reinforcement

My tryst with a gem of a teacher

 Lights out Alice!

To build a habit or at least some semblance of one, I am trying to institute the long standing quote that claims that all you need to get better at writing is continuing to write two pages of crappy content, everyday for an year and over time, you will get better. Hopefully, not better at being bad at writing.

The biggest block that comes to me and I guess to most people is what to write. What is funny about this is that throughout the day I get over tens of topics that catch my fancy and I give some thought to and when it comes to jotting them down on paper, poof, they are all gone now. Brain goes into limp mode and stops responding to the command to actually think about things and get to the point.

I will talk about the absolute privilege it is for me to have know Joydip Mitra Sir at MDI. A jolly fellow who is probably the most intelligent mind around the campus and operates at a stratosphere far from where mere mortals can be surmise of but remains approachable and grounded all the time. He always wears a smile on his face and even though his face also tells stories of the harsh life and circumstances that he has to traverse on a daily basis, his smile puts the other person at ease and immediately makes you want to befriend him and share all your deepest secret with. I don't know what I deserved to get this opportunity to interact with him but I count my study sessions with him as the best opportunity to get up close and personal with a brilliant mind. Something that I can forever want but can never get close to. The amount of hard work and dedication to the field of mathematics that he has shown never fails to inspire.