Lights out Alice!
Well, mornings after a rash decision are never great. Generally, whenever somebody actually takes stock of their morning, it means that their day has already gone to the pooper. It is a similar case on my end because the enormity of my impulse purchase is not dawning upon me. I am understanding that I blew 3 months of my allowance on one impulsive transaction and I have no clue where I will find the money to survive for the next few months. Although it is not as dire as described in the last line, the realisation that I have ZERO self control is a far more serious and concerning proposition. I am scared that I have zero control over the decisions I take and that they can be manipulated by external people, a bit of emotion and most easily by my irrational, impulsive and childish brain.
I mostly hate the fact that I spent a lot of money on myself. My parents are under the impression that I rarely spend on myself but all I see is the fact that I blow money left right and centre. Just in May I bought a wired headphone of Audio Technica that I had been eyeing for a while. My mistake in that was that I bought a wired one, which is very inconvenient in this day and age of wireless tech. Next I spend close to 5k on go-karting, something I couldn't afford to do so. Here in Gurgaon, one fine week I felt the urge to improve my basketball game so what did I do. Obviously I went ahead and bought the basketball and played with it only once. The problem comes back to the fact that the lifestyle choices that I make are either 0 or 1, 0 being very meagre expenditures and 1 being beyond my budget. Further, when I really want something, especially something that is not currently available to me, I go into a trance like fish eyed mode wherein all I see is the upside of having the thing I am missing but fail to consider the fact that I might not have wanted it in the first place or that it would be a one time thing that I would not care about after I have experienced it once. Further, the key to any commitment, be it buy stuff for sports or clothes or anything for that matter is the evaluation within oneself of the tradeoffs that comes with it. Am I ready to sweat it out if I have bought the bicycle? Do I have the time to regularly practice if I have bought a basketball? Do I have time to read the 50000 books I have bought on every subject that remotely interested me for a few days and then I dropped it and moved on to the next like a hot potato. Yup, it does point towards a commitment issue paired with long term forgetfullness
What an idiot sirji!
Hopefully I can work on moderating this in the long term Alice as this can easily lead into becoming my biggest reason for failing to become anything in life.
Lights out Alice!
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