Lights out Alice!
Though it was expected and bound to happen given my history with anything I take up, I have hit a new low with the ultra expensive CAIML course on business analytics that I have taken up. Having missed the last two weeks of classes, I have no clue of what is currently being taught and am unable to follow it as well. Consequently, the classes don't make sense and given the hectic schedule I have and the procrastinating nature, it is only going to get worse from here on out.
I claimed that it was not new because time and again this exact thing has happened. I have taken up a new thing/ course/ task with far too much enthusiasm and far too little of a plan as to how to sustain it and then after the initial high, sunk into a low that I struggle to recover from and eventually end up leaving things mid-way because I do not have the dedication to catch up and also look for an easy escape by finding new things that interest me and repeating this vicious cycle all over again.
Something that my time here in hostel and MDI has done is make me forget my basic habits. The focus to sit through and complete a task, not getting sidetracked by everything that shines and getting to the nitty gritty of things, however "boring" they might be. I hate the fact that I have now lost that ability, something which was a weak area for me and it took me a while to develop and now I am back to square one.
Another thing I particularly hate is my headspace wherein I waste time when I have it and think I have too much time on my hands and end up using this time to find new shit to do. This means that things pile up and when due dates come thick and fast, I get easily overwhelmed and then am unable to complete anything that I have taken up. This is so frustrating but is a bad habit I can't seem to shake.
WHY Alice WHY? Why can't I just finish all that I start? Why can't I sit down with a theoretical book and read on the things that are important for five whole minutes? Why can't I be better at learning tough technical concepts? Why do I waste the time when I have it by procrastinating and focusing on the wrong things?
I really hope that I can find a way to break the chain as this has gone on long enough and unless there is a sea change in approach and execution, my hopes and dreams of being in a better place a few years down the line will never materialize.
Some helpful links:
https://www.oxford-royale.com/articles/common-study-problems/
https://myperformancelearning.com/blog/what-to-do-if-you-feel-like-you-are-struggling-at-school/
https://www.sciencealert.com/psychology-holds-clues-to-slowing-down-time-when-it-feels-like-it-s-racing-away
https://www.ool.co.uk/blog/youre-struggling-course/
Lights out Alice!
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