Been having a pretty rough couple of months. Thankfully, today is not one of those days.
Driving, in the golden dusk hour, passing beautiful fluffy clouds adorning the sun, a weather phenomenon that is as rare in gurgaon as humility and kindness in the people living here.
Slowly, I think I am getting there. I have accepted the loss. Accepted that she is gone. Accepted the fact that it was all one-sided.
It was ALWAYS ONE-SIDED. I had gotten it wrong.
I don't know how much healing power blue skies, fleecing clouds and shimmering sun have, but they help me out and work on me.
Driving in a leisurely manner, on a highway, no traffic, no rush to get anywhere, going to sector 14 market, an old haunt, with no particular agenda. The moment reminded me of what my brain already told me but my soul was rejecting.
Life's okay. There is little point in fighting the loss. What was never meant to be mine can never be mine, especially when you add the fact that it is a person and not a thing to be had.
In this moment, there are a lot more things going right than going wrong.
In this moment, I have parents who are in decent health to be grateful for.
I am grateful to be around my sister and my nephew.
I like what my job entails, even though my people skills are lacking. The fact that I get to use my noggin' is not what a lot of people can boast of.
I definitely need to work on my next growth area and stop waiting on it to be the perfect one. I need to stop fighting what I am as a person. I like being engaged, picking up a lot of things, learning interesting stuff and then fail at executing any of them properly. Maybe I will always remain a failure, but at least I like the process of learning and I need to let go of the approach of selection first and directing energy there.
I think I need to let go of the chase Alice, to let go of whatever awesome fun I used to have with/ because of that person. That's over now.
Time to work on levelling up. Hope I get better soon Alice!
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