Landour was epic - exactly the elements I like - tall trees, mossy roads, rain, fog and a fleeting view of the hills beyond. Perfect.
The drive after that was just sublime. Little to no traffic. Going downhill- which allows for pushing since it is on the wider side of the road and you can turn in late- and the camber on the roads - Nline came alive in that setting - the suspension was dialed in, the gearing perfect to push without it becoming extremely dangerous and the brakes worked consistently
Walking in Landour will forever be something I take away from this trip - Uphill, was such a struggle - but was just fun frolicking around
I dont know what it is, but something feels comfortable about NJ while it being bleh at the same time. Not in that there is any doubt about the intentions of the person or whether I am just going with the flow, but simply that it is comfortable. I am not used to comfortable. I am not used to being able to be me without having to pretend. Having gone the entirety of the previous experiences in trying to prove myself, I am not used to being able to be myself.
I am scared all the time that I am just going with it, but every time I look back at the elements that just click with NJ, it is a long list.
Same taste in music, same world view, but it goes beyond that as well
Two people when looking at the same thing can draw different conclusions and focus on different things. Not to say that these thoughts match, but I can tell what they are thinking and they can be more accurate than most when it comes to knowing what I might be thinking.
It just fits. No big song and dance. No major upheaval. Is that an issue? I dont know. It has always been the million dollar question, that am I just obliging and reciprocating? Is it easy because the other side is interested?
I counter all of the above with a few points.
It was never a big hulla booh with Partha as well. It just fit. It isn't a big hullabooh with people I like as well. It just is. Plus it took a long time and a lot of shared experiences to build the level of trust and endearment that I have reached with them.
Doing something for a random person is pretty easy for me anyways. That hero complex and the illusion of being better (which is just insecurity dressed up as philanthropy) has always come naturally. Sustaining that back bending effort is difficult. Dialing it back and getting the other person on the same page is something that I struggled with. Which is the long winded way of saying that I tune myself to get a person to become friends with me but it is rarer for me to be able to show my real side, regardless of how much a person would be open to the idea.
I am mostly disillusioned with people anyways. I dont think I am wired in the same way. I don't think attraction, in the way it is socially defined and conventionally expected is something I subscribe to.
I need to compare and contrast. If in the past ones, we pull the veil of push and pull back, what are the elements we are really left with? What was in those that drew me in? RC was simply the competitiveness of having the same playbook, MS - nothing really beyond the basic attraction- we never really reached that stage
What is it in NJ? The artistic POV. The world view. The constant struggle with her inner demons while trying to juggle everything else. She is a seer, but mainly as a coping mechanism to predict things that are about to fall apart. Pretty hurt by the world and struggling to find her feet. Scared of trying because been hurt by past experiences. She has the ability to come alive, but life has been hard on her and is struggling to find her feet. She needs a safe space. The ability to rest her head without constantly having to swivel in every direction scanning for danger.
Little llama cafe -
The library moment - overlooking the mountains. Clouds rolling by. Rain. The breeze. The smell of books. Being surrounded by a tower of books that exude
Mussorie heritage centre and finding old trinkets - we share the same eye for things!
The drive through the forest
