Why would I ever let anyone in?

Lights out Alice!

Knowledge is a funny thing. Ignorance is supposed to be the negative side of things but according to me, in this world of information overload, the ability to selectively seek information while actively being ignorant in other fronts is a boon.

I was just reading an article on the benefits of having bariatric surgery in Diabetic patients that do not have diabetes under control even after insulin injection. Immediately after this, my first thought was why the hell would I ever let anyone in my life when there is a high chance I can encounter a debilitating injury or disease that I would have to live with for the rest of my life. Why would I ever want anyone else to go through the pain that I relegated to go through. 

Isn't the fact that when you love someone you would never want them to go through any pain? Or is it that you try to shield them from anything that life will throw at them? Sadly, it is a failing venture as life continues to happen regardless of our wants. Ups and downs, bad and good times, of varying intensity and duration keep happening.

Next question is whether this need to stay alone and not let anyone take care of me is born out of my coping mechanism? Is this me trying to show that needing anyone would result in disappointment and disapproval and that person would leave me and hence I should never put my wants first and be sub-servient in my approach forever? Why is this constant need for approval? Why should I believe I am not worthy? Why the self-doubt? Why the self-hatred?