The urge to give up comes oh so often in every run signifying that even though not 16 hours would have passed from the last run, I have already gotten complacent. I have already gotten used to sitting in an AC compartment and being disconnected from the outside world. How will I ever be able to take good decisions in the real world if I am living in a bungalow isolated from society. Is this why kings had representation from diverse kind in the court? But weren't they all royals or elites? Was anyone in touch with the working class? Is this how the gap between the rich and the poor came about?
If I go into this air conditioned society, will I be able to do anything meaningful, ever? Will I ever be able to contribute to the wellbeing of the society and work for the middle and lower class?
Currently all I am is a sweet talker and I am yet to walk the talk. I hate the fact that once I start opening up, I start revealing personal and intimate details about myself and my feelings, something that everyone else is able to hide or mask pretty well. I wear my thoughts on my sleeve and generally am too quick to react to a situation without actually taking the time to respond.
I frequently forget that I have things that I have already started and need to see to completion and then go on to take on extra new work. New things at the beginning always excite me but the important bit, the middle bit, the bit where I have to hunker down and keep beavering through sheer discipline and will power, especially when no one's watching, is something I lack. I give up as soon as it stops being exciting and start looking for new projects while leaving the previous one incomplete. Oh what an idiot I am Alice!
It is a beautiful day out there today Alice. The sky is blue littered with cotton candy like clouds (or are those cotton candies that take the shape of a cloud), broken and scattered but in enough numbers to look continuous. Discrete but continuous, just the topic I was reading last night. I really like how there are different shades of green in leaves and how early rays of the sun bring out a whole another level of glow in them. I love the scattered silence in the morning, broken often by chirping birds, barking of squirrels and the droning of trucks alongside the highway that runs parallel to the campus. Oh, why forget the constant humming or droning of AC cabinets that are omnipresent in all buildings. Mornings are so pleasant that you even get to the point of asking why would anyone need air conditioning but the same is answered as soon as afternoon rolls around, although for me personally, I would still not want an AC. It makes me lazy, complacent and forget the simple fact that there are people in this world that are just not in a better place because they weren't as lucky as I was. I would hate myself if I would ever forget that it is what my parents and my sister and the important people all around me have done for me that has gotten me where ever I might be in life or get to and that I am nothing special. I have actually done nothing meaningful in life. I have never made an actual difference. Most of the time, I live a self serving life and I never take the time to thank the people who got me here. I, by myself, am a nobody. My parents and my sister made me. I really am one lucky person. I hope I don't forget this.
Mornings are so peaceful and effective in terms of getting things done. Then humans (including me) ruin it by treading on it. Why does the morning clarity fade as the day progresses? Why can't I maintain my efficiency throughout the day?
But in the other hand, to really appreciate the beauty of mornings, I guess I have to go through the drudgery of the rest of the day. This brings me to another thought. Why outside consultants are required. I firmly believe on most days that consulting is the biggest scam and a field created by pfaffers (I am a pfaffer as well). However, being involved in anything for far too long generally ruins our sight. We are not able to see the forest for the trees and everything is green. An outside but balanced and reasonable perspective in this stage can really be elightening and give a fresh perspective to the internal team as long as the internal team is willing to accept the feedback with open arms and not try to knock on it at every turn.
Oh how do I cope better Alice?
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