Lights out Alice!
On one of my tangential thought streams that necessarily occur during study sessions, It hit me that this Durga Puja would be one of the first ones that I would have missed because of being away in an hostel. I don't know what it is about the caged life of a hostel, otherwise called as "campus life" that makes me feel trapped, disconnected from reality and unable to feel alive. I am currently in Gurgaon but in my two months here, I have rarely felt Gurgaon in a way that I have connected with other cities in shorter span of time. I am unable to put a finger on it but I am definitely missing familiarity and comfort of home. Durga Puja was a yearly celebration of this comfort and familiarity and not having the ability to walk to the nearest pandal and just soak in the atmosphere is something that wells me up. Moreover, not watching my parents immerse themselves in the occasion as well as be occupied with different aspects of the festivities in an otherwise docile schedule, moves me to the point that I am questioning if all that we do to rise in life and society on a personal level is even worth it given the cost that it comes at. The cost being that my parents are living a life that is void of joy on most part, filled with boredom and devoid of energy. They put up a brave face and pretend to be happy but they can feel their life force wither inside them. They feel the passage of time like a high density fluid hit them everyday and going through it getting even more arduous.
I really hope Alice that I can find ways to bring them joy in their lives and just be in a position where I am there for them, not through gifts and world stupidities, but just there, present, in their lives and share real joy with them. Alice, I seriously miss my parents. I didn't know that I would miss them this much or that it would affect me this much, but hostel life has had some real impact on me. I adored them before, but now I value them even more.
I hope I can turn this around Alice!
No comments:
Post a Comment