Pain is the point

Lights out Alice!

I have lived a rather cosy life and faced little adversity, especially compared to the hell that my parents have gone through. Both of them had to go through several stressful periods, some stretches of pure hell that I even shudder to imagine the quantum of pain they had to bear.

This feeling is there because I have gotten complacent. I have started taking things for granted and have forgotten that life can turn turtle anytime. A grim reminder of the same was given to me when I read a post that Chirag, an old classmate of mine from school was hospitalised and needed blood urgently. Life is fickle and it is shameful to see that I am living it or planning it in a manner that I will never see a downward trend and foolishly consider what is a small pebble in a joyous stretch of time to be a big deal and conclude that I have gone through pain (I haven't). People all around me are going through real hard times like my cousin elder brother not getting paid in his job for months without notice and here I am, worrying about insignificant trivialities and mindless expenditures.  What a pathetic creature do you have to be to be worrying about whether I should be spending a small fortune to stay in the heart of Mumbai or opt for a larger and spacious home outside the city in Navi Mumbai. Thoughts such as these should be spit upon and the person who thinks these should be outcasted and I am ashamed that such a thought even crossed my mind and for being that person.

I am weak. I have zero real world and/or adversity experience. I have zero idea how to live on a meagre budget. I have always been cared upon by my parents and been spoiled. They have calmly met my every whims and fancies without flinching and safeguarded me from realities of life while imparting life lessons on how to treat people better. I won't even dare to think that I am ready for the world. I am not. Nature and God are scoffing at my impudence. I can only be grateful for the wonderful people that I got lucky to have as parents and siblings and can only apologise for not being a better son and brother. 

Hell, I can't even run a measly 5km distance even though I have been doing the distance for over 2 years now. I still think that completing a mere 5km run is a big task where in all totality, given how long I have been doing it, I should not even register it as a task. Sadly, in the last few months I have become extremely vain and I have no one else to blame for this except myself even though my thoughts are looking for externalities and to find any excuse to not own up to my mistake.

What an piece of shit idiot I am Alice!