Do I have to go through this every time?

 Lights out Alice!

I am back, once again with my usual cribbing on my procrastinating abilities. So many ideas, so little time, yet I find the time to waste all of my time away. What a pathetic little shitter I am. Which begs the question, how dare I even trust myself to step away from the securities of a corporate life and jump into the deep end with my own venture. Not to forget the fact that I am a commitment-phobe aka scared of committing to something. I am only interested and enthusiastic about bringing new ideas and developments to the table even though reality is different and getting any product to the market requires a lot of commitment, grunt work, grinding, perseverance and pushing even when it is no longer fun. I am far to addicted to the rush that a new idea development gives me.

This is a scary realisation. Notwithstanding the mess of my personal life that I stand to make and the troubles that I stand to put my parents and sister through, I do not want to be in a situation where I am taking my team for a ride. I am too much of a seat-of-my-pants guy to be able to fake enthusiasm when I no longer believe in something. Either it is 100% in and pure commitment or I just won't do it at all and find a hundred ways of avoiding it. This blog is a case in point because currently I am supposed to work on my final presentation. Instead of doing that, I have been doing most of everything else.

I don't want to go through this period of procrastination every time but it seems like I am stuck in this rut where in I cannot force myself to pull out of this bad habit. Procrastination is now my single biggest issue and it is exactly a problem that feeds to my second biggest issue of being a scatterbrain and not being able to focus on one thing. 

I am currently at the juncture where I have to choose between a PPO from summer internship or sit for finals, something that is weighing up a lot on me because I am trying to decide between imagined scenarios. Nobody knows what tomorrow will bring or if I will ever be good enough but I do really hope that I make something of myself and build something on my own and not just end up as just another corporate slave.

But it is a long shot and pipe dreams like these rarely work out. The glitz and glam of the MBA world is in stark contrast of the dog-eat-dog, brutal and dirty world of not being a corporate bigshot company and everyday survival is pretty rough. Suit and tie does not help you in the sun and does not help you when you have to go talk to potential customers in the afternoon heat in a remote city. 

I really hope I do not forget:

• Decisions made while sitting at the comfort of  an air conditioned office will never amount to the strategies that need to be implemented at 40 degrees Celsius afternoon sun. 
• Humility in the good times and perseverance in the bad. No blaming anybody else. Have accountability for your actions. 
• Remember it is all about your attitude! I don't you will ever meet a better person that Rachita Jain in terms of how she conducts herself and her positive attitude. She listens to people intently even though she has a million things go on herself, she always makes time to touch base with every one, never loses her cool and is friendly to everyone all the time. I don't think I can ever get to that level but I really thank my lucky stars that I got to meet someone who is at that level of awesomeness!
• Same goes for Devdutt Sir and Arijit Sir. Their experience, their wisdom and even then they actually listen to a nobody intern like me. Holy crap! Never before have I ever felt this level of inclusion in a team and working with them has been the freshest breath of air that I could ever take. Wow! I don't think my stars will align this way ever again and I really don't have any expectations because this was the crescendo, but I am happy that I got to experience this peak!
• Always be humble man...listen to people
• Stop talking...actually listen to people
• Give people time
• Like Devdutt, like acts of encouragement go a long way to pump up your team...a nudge here, a good job there, these go a long way. I really have learnt a lot from them...the trio was pretty cool!

I seriously pray Alice that I don't mess it up, that I actually work little by little towards my goals and one day I actually take that leap and create something that I would be proud of and something that does not hurt the people most important to me.

All I can do is hope Alice, because the future is untold and tomorrow is yet to be. I hope I can get through the bad with just as much appreciation as I am currently enjoying the good. I hope that I can take care of the people that are most important to me.

Pray for me Alice and Lights out!