Am I actually detail oriented or is it just another one of my fantasies?

 Lights out Alice!

To be fair, I rarely take cognizance of how people describe me since more often than not they only see a part of me, my work and are fairly oblivious to how it came about that way. But recently, a few people mentioned my work as detailed oriented. I took notice, well, because inwardly I would really be proud of being called detailed oriented and wanted that tag. This leads to the first problem. I picked up on "detail oriented" mainly because I wanted that praise, not that it applied to me more than other hollow praises that people give randomly to colleagues without any real thought. Secondly, what have I actually done in life to really deserve that tag even if I wanted to? All I do is procrastinate, make castles in the air and never get down and do the grunt work and build a foundation. I leap from one exciting thing to another all while knowing very well that real success only comes from the grunt work. The discipline. The boring stuff. The part where you reject applying something till you master the theory to be able to actually understand the nuances of practical implementation. 

Next question, why do I so desperately seek the tag of "detail oriented" and what does it entail? Also, like all platitudes, it is actually doing nothing more than stroking my ego, something that I really need to stop working towards since it is a sure shot way of destruction through short-lived glory. Everyday I am scared that it would be the day that I stop actually working hard towards my goals and start counting my sheep (read empty hollow accolades or platitudes colleagues or bosses mention in passing that has no actual implication in real life). MBA does this to you (upon rereading, it is sad to see I am putting my mistakes on an course). You seek the thrill of competition and thrive on the adulation of others. You want to compete. You want to show how your solution is better and faster than your colleagues, how you can outsmart them, how you can outthink them and build it leaner. Read the sentences again and note how selfish they become. In a rat race, creativity killing, boss-sucking-up corporate culture, ever action is very self centered. Every action is for your benefit or for the benefit of your department/ boss. Even in the rare cases there is company-wide pull to further a cause, don't forget it is generally on an exponentially growing the profit cause and not for societal good. Then again, you may ask that companies exist for-profit in general and expecting them to be charities is flawed logic. To that, I would counter that companies can go towards profit, but sustainability, go towards growth, but judiciously and not by over-extending themselves to look good in front of shareholders, something that leads to short term glitz but long term gloom.

So in conclusion, I just want to perceived as detailed oriented and meticulous while giving every aspect of the task its due diligence. It is not the case. I am sloppy. I don't like checking my work immediately after completion because I am too caught up in my writing or am too drained to actually look at it impartially. A lot of the times I miss things that are staring me in the face and most of all I am too hesitant and procrastinating in taking decisions that I never actually go through with things when I have time and then struggle to catch up.

I don't know how I will ever catch up to my bad habits Alice, if I ever do...I hope that I will someday be more than just naïve hope and imaginary potential!