It is my last day here at Cipla. My team doesn't really care and that's fine, it wasn't a happy relationship in the first place which turned sour when I dropped my papers. A few people did feel sad for a bit and that's more than I could ever hope for and that's more than what I need.
I wasn't really feeling anything as my body went into the default mode blocking any emotion whatsoever. However, listening to MPS and TS about how they would miss me (even if it is 1% true) did make me question if I was blocking emotions or actually not feeling anything.
I will miss this place for what it stood. I will miss a few people, definitely, but just like with any other place, I like the routines I create and the mundane. The trees, the paths, the walks, the routes I take, a cool gust of breeze on a warm day, sip of a good cup of tea after a hectic session.
I will also miss MS and all that it could be. I am still a bit sore about it and probably will be for a while.
But, what I actually wanted to write about was: Being unchained and unattached to any job at the moment, since Cipla has ended and the new one| hasn't started yet, I could immediately feel a sense of relief. That somehow that the pile of dirt that was clogging the pipeline of ideas was flushed open. That there was nothing weighing me down. There lay endless possibilities on the horizon and I could choose to pursue anything that I could set my mind into.
Why do I get tired in a corporate scenario?
How did I run out if ideas?
I used to be good at thinking, whatever happened to that?
I used to push the room to be better, now I am just drained and tired of everything. I am tired of the bureaucracy and redundancy present in corporate. Feels like I am decaying and immediately becoming irrelevant.
I used to be good, now I am just barely hanging on.
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