The pattern repeats itself: M.S Edition

Lights out Alice!

Well, here we are. Again. Writing about the same thing. Again. I did too much, too soon and scared the other person away. This is the seventh time overall and fourth really hurtful one. On the trot. Never been able to get the other person to stay. They all seem to run away. Obviously, if it is the seventh time, I am doing something wrong. Oddly enough, but consistent with who I am, I haven't changed my approach and what's more, I wear my approach even more loud with each pass. 

What went wrong with this one? Before we begin with that, let's lay some groundwork to establish why this one would hurt the most till date.

M.S SHARED THE FEELING! Holy crap yo! Till date, the others had to be goaded into seeing my worth and then they would run away seeing my brand and how much effort I would put in (too much too soon). SB never had anything for me and I was so desperate and naive that I would still put in massive time and effort behind her while knowing it would never be reciprocated, at all.

SRao never intended to continue, but for some reason engaged for long enough for me to get attached and then broke it off suddenly, which did hurt for a bit. HArora actually started off on a different scale, with different headspaces and approaches which meant that we were on different pages and the writing was apparent on the wall by the second meeting. Regardless, I did listen and HArora did share for a while before deciding to move on. Another instance of being used and thrown away like Linc Ocean gel.

M.S actually had feelings before me but realized that our circumstances and environment will never allow for us to be together and in which case it was better for her for kill those feelings than let it grow. However, what she did not account for is me having the same and actually going up and confessing the same. We were working on a project at the time and hence I did wait for the project to be over so that there would be no muddling of work. However, by that time, she had cleared her stance and was sure that there was no point of going into anything with me since there would be no future together.

My timeline of failures till now:

{Duration-Codename-Situation}

• 3 years P My end, my imagination
• Not significant  ST, NN  My end, my imagination
• 5 years NOTHING AT ALL, LIKE ZILCH
• 2 months KP My end, me being exploited
• 4 months SB My end, tough time on her end
• 2 weeks VT Not interested
• 3 weeks SR Not interested, chatted, ended abruptly
• 3 weeks HA Different tangent, chatter, ended
• 2 weeks RS Interested, I wasn't
• Not significant IT, Doc, ISH They were looking for something else
• 1 week MS SHE WAS! I was! Circumstances weren't

10 years of this. 10 long years and nothing till now. Nobody stayed. Nobody gave me a shot.

To conclude, I am pretty old now and haven't been in any kind of long or short or any-for-that-matter relationship. I don't think that's a good thing. Further, it will always beg the question going forward whether I would be just desperately seeking company or checking against compatibility and other long term sustainable criterias. At this point, I am questioning if I even have any criteria other than just wanting the other person to stay and hear me out.

Am I that bad? Do I suck that much? Am I that weird?

Lights out Alice!