Lights out Alice!
It is easier to talk about space than actually giving it. I keep wanting to text M.S. Ask if it was that easy to move on. Find any reason to hate so that I can tell my brain and my heart to move on. Not a good practice and all it would achieve is hurt the person's progress, if required, in getting over this incident (harsh word, I know).
I am hurting. I keep wanting to not feel lonely. I keep wanting company. I keep wanting anybody to come fill the void that has been made more apparent now that there is no academic purpose in my life and I am in a new city with zero responsibilities.
Life comes in waves. A good person is able to deal with both with utmost grace. Not rejoicing too much when joy comes around and also does not let bad times affect them enough to change their course of action.
I don't know if it was the compounding effect of all the rejects, but this one took a toll on me. There would also be a percentage contribution from the choice to stop going back to the online platform, because I felt tired and did not have the energy to want to go through the drudgery all over again.
The right way is to take a break from all this. To get back to the basics, build good habits, take care of ourselves and utilize the time on self growth goals rather than superficial engagement and shallow outings. I have done it numerous times before but this time it has been quite a bit tougher than the previous ones. I do not know how long this will last or if it ever will, but I do know that I need to do better and see through this.
Hope I can find the strength to not do anything foolish and work on healing myself Alice!
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