The only part of my job that I like is the travel involved. Travelling is good because it ensures that I do not have time to sit with my thoughts although I am currently writing about the thoughts that transpired when I was waiting for the bus. However, when in motion, procrastination and negativity does have a backhand and I am slightly more productive and able to write and think on things that I want to. The following paragraph is a small stream from the constant deluge that goes on in my head.
I resonate with being the underdog. Having been hurt quite a few times, which is still less than the pain I see around me, I am able to take one glimpse and see the burden or the pain that they carry in their eyes.
Standing in the bus stop, waiting for a bus to take me to Ahmednagar, I saw a guy sitting and staring off into the distance. One look and anyone could tell that he is going through a lot. His sunk eyes, surrounded by a sea of blackmarks, trying to make sense of it all while teleporting him into a place that has nothing to do with his physical location.
Looking at him and then thinking about my privileged life, I realized that I am lucky and that even though I would like to call myself strong or someone who has gone through a lot, the reality is that it has been a while since I have actually been the underdog or have had to fight.
I would like to, but I don't think I can justifiably call myself one among them while sitting in my ivory tower. I haven't been a fighter in a long time and that did hurt me.
I have realised, mostly because people have pointed this out, not because I felt it so (and I disagree with this because this is the only way I know), that I am a very sensitive person. What I don't get is how am I supposed to be okay with the pain I see all around me and go on in my merry way and enjoy life. But this is also symptomatic of a people pleaser and maybe all my life all I have known is how to live for others and not for myself.
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