Lights out Alice!
Given the recent horrendous run of events, one of which ended up in me breaking my phone in a fit of rage, it was only logical that I would lose motivation to do anything productive with my time. To be fair, my productivity was down the drain before this and my procrastinating ability was through the roof. The torrid sequence of bad choices that led to intense and vocal arguments, all leading up to me losing my cool was just the icing on the cake.
While my sheer inability to control my emotions isn't new, the sheer lack of patience that I have for anything less than logical (which is the last thing people use when arguing) is baffling. I was never the most patient person definitely, but I wasn't this bad. I wouldn't get consumed by rage this early in a discussion where people are using illogical arguments. I thought my ability to process myself through logic would allow me to give others a bigger rope in a discussion for using subjective and incorrect opinion over objective understanding of the situation. But I think I am carrying the fog of going through a bad situation in the last two months of MBA along with the incorrect notion of what zero supervision and the freedom to make your own decision without regard for others brings about. This means that I am misdirecting my pain and anger, leading to incorrect analysis of situation, gross over-reaction and uncalled anger over people that did not cause it in the first place. I am pretty anxious all the time, unable to calm myself down and the lack of a concrete goal or to-do during this holiday seems to be adding accelerant to the rapidly burning fire in my head.
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