Lights out Alice!
It's been a while since I wrote something here. But it's the same drone. I suck, mostly because I just don't like showing too much emotion, even when it is warranted. I am too worried that I was not able to handle myself in the best way when things went wrong previously and hence I do not deserve to enjoy the moment, for if I enjoy it, then I will not be able to complain when pain comes around the next time around and I would have deserved it. Is it that or just the fact that I have had to many previous bad experiences immediately after a good thing to make me conditioned in a pavlovian manner that if I actually feel happy then when the sadness comes next, which it usually does, immediately, it will be warranted.
I haven't been in the best of states lately given the limbo in deciding between staying back in Kol or joining in Mumbai. The state of not having a concrete goal or something to work towards is just pissing me off. I am procrastinating and it is driving me crazy. I need to get myself sorted and get back on track as this is not going to work.
Lights out Alice!
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