The first time I realized I had a tendency to go to that dark place, it was not a very disturbing feeling because I had already seen it go around like a flu in my family. Slowly and over a period of time, when I looked closely, I even found indicators of the same in the world all around me. People, pretending, walking with a mask, while being dead/lost/sad inside.
I was there for a long time, and eventually worked my way back to some semblance of a happy place. A place where I became comfortable with my sadness, eventually even growing into this co-dependency of sorts wherein I embraced being a "depressionista".
While I have not logged in the sequence of events that led me to today, but I think I am back in that dark alley. The world becomes a heavy place, waking up is a chore, opening my eyes becomes an exercise with the constant feeling of being tired all the time.
It's bad Alice, because the tools that I have in my belt to keep the sadness at bay are not working. I am constantly overthinking, which is tiring me out and am unable to focus at the tasks at hand. I don't know if it will get better or I just get used to it.
Lights out Alice!
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