Running on excuses or running out of excuses?

 Lights out Alice!

Oh, it is my pattern. Oh, it is just how I am. I want to be better, but I keep falling back into bad habit loops and negative patterns.

That's just the talk I have with myself on most days about why I deviated from the plan I had made for myself. Social media these days is awash with symptoms of ADHD and why ADHD is a major issue and how neurodivergent people are different and it is harder for them to function normally.

To begin with, I feel vindicated, that I am not alone in this feeling, that there are others out there that find executing daily tasks and maintaining a routine more difficult than solving differential equations. 

However, I am immediately sceptical about knowing this information. I know I am ADHD and I have been one for a while and I know my behavioural patterns (not doing what I am supposed to be doing and writing this blog is one of those). I am just not sure how everyone out there suddenly seems to be ADHD as well, especially because the symptoms and behavioural traits of an ADHD are eerily indistinguishable from a person who is plain PROCRASTINATING and NOT GETTING SHIT DONE. This is exactly where it goes wrong and I do not appreciate the flood of information out there on ADHDers because I know my brain. It will take this as validation of how it is "more difficult" for me to stay on course than "normal people" and begin being even more useless. My procrastinating levels will go through the roof and I will be unable to defend myself from the pushback that it is "so tough being an ADHD" everyday. 

GET ON WITH IT. Yes, you. Regardless of being ADHD or not. Moreso if you are an ADHD because you know that you cannot even give an inch to that primal brain of yours lest your productivity levels immediately bottom out to zero. All that progress in getting yourself to get out of bad habits, adapting good ones, doing the things that have been on the pending list for decades, immediately lost. The struggle is real, because just wallowing about the struggle is another way you are giving your stupid brain an opportunity to focus on anything but the thing it is supposed to be focusing on.

P.S: This kind of internal debate is pretty common for me and what goes on in my head every other minute, which is why I know what I am, regardless of social media diagnosis and I also know what I need to do to protect myself from information overload to ensure that I am functioning within acceptable levels, however I can, because in the end, nobody is coming to save me or give me a longer leash just because my operating parameters are different.

It's all cool Alice!