Musings from a Web series

A gentleman in Moscow 

From the opening episode, minute thirty:

It is the business of time to change, Mr. Halecki,

and for gentlemen to change with them...

Oh what lines with deep meaning! I always felt that there was a certain class that everyone resonates with and I was no exception. Elegance and high society etiquettes does draw me in with its personality

Noting down my broad thoughts:

• I am drawn to things with class, something that separates
• However, the divide that being a noble or person with any stature implicitly demands is something that does not sit well with me. In the end, we are all people, (not all are humans or humane) and hence I do not see the point of demanding respect just because one is more fortunate or gifted than another. Not sure that I even identify with communism or the term per se, because I inherently also understand the realities of society and how greed and power is enmeshed with the very core of being for most and is not easy to detach from them. 
• Hence, therein lies a conflict, a conflict of identity and more so the hypocrisy that follows. I want the best of both worlds, while being inherently superior, I want to also be seen as an equal and would always side with the underdog. I am pretty ashamed that I would want the easy way out and hence try to also tell myself that it is okay to have a principle and ideology, but it should not be hypocritical and self-serving. Yes, people want more and that is how society works, but I neither have to stoop so low nor raise myself through tactics to the point they have to look up to address me.
• In the end, we are all going to wither and die. More than death, the fear is that of being forgotten or useless to society, to the point wherein I have to be reduced to a mere spectator as the world toils towards greatness. I know I am not smart or good at anything and haven't really achieved much, but the thought that everyday I have the power to change and do something about it is what keeps me going. If that knowledge was taken away from me, I don't know if I would be able to get up in the morning or go to sleep at night. 
• It then begs the question whether I am infusing my identity with my work and whether that is even a good thing. I do not have an answer for this with enough certainty as I am still deliberating and collecting evidence on this front. For now, temporary findings do state that it is not a wise decision to reduce my being to my work and not have a holistic contribution. A lot was done for me, a lot of things went my way and I have been downright lucky to have met the people I have met and the opportunities that were presented to me. But work in a corporate life has no start, no end and for all the clamouring of our bosses or the collective goal, there is very little point to it all, except to make money. 
• Very little these days goes towards making things better. Most companies, their products, their services and even their workforce is designed or aimed at making the rich and fortunate richer and even more well off. For example, an agri-tech startup might sound like a person interested in making things better for our farmers, but in reality it is more of a concerted attempt at bridging the digital and technological gap in our value chain which can then be harvested for profits.
• In the last year that I have been part of the corporate workforce, I have been clamouring on how work has given me little to no satisfaction, no purpose and no greater meaning that I can get behind. I then go-on to question myself and my stance on this by countering and asking myself what I really think I want to do. I scamper for an answer I truly believe in. I don't think I have the cajones or the brain power required to usher in a new reality. I don't think I have the appetite to be a leader of the people, mostly because I detest against the perils of drinking from the chalice of power and am scared of leading other people on an incorrect path. To be fair, to be a leader you have to be able to live with the fact that you will make mistakes, mistakes that can have great consequences on the lives of the people you lead.