Lights out Alice!
Yesterday I had to witness a party and a bunch of loud folks. Not out of choice, but because I was sharing the same roof and the loud folks were the guests who became rowdier as the night passed and spirits flowed. I had thought that these moments of feeling out of place was behind me post the MBA era where loud music, late night booze and incredulous shrieking at odd intervals was the norm.
All the time I questioned myself - felt such a sinking feeling- that I could never be able to even fake it when others around me either enjoy such a setting or fake it well enough for people to not be able to sus it out
Led to immense self doubt and questions whether I even belong with the company of people or whether I should just try to resign to my fate that I am not meant to find anybody and obviously have to learn to be all alone.
The next morning this feeling of unproductive waste of time was compounded by sitting around people who like to sit around and take it slow - I don't know how to - or I just know my way and I am too rigid with it
I turned to watch the movie "Into the wild" - and just the trailer was enough to resonate with me - the feeling of escape - adventure - being out in the open - away from the shackles of phones and social media - just being in the moment
People these days tell me to enjoy - but I don't think they are themselves enjoying - or just that they haven't experienced this state of slow enjoyment and all they know is constant stimulation through social media
It was so disheartening to see - kids as small as 4.5 and 6 yrs - addicted to their phone - immediately crying when internet froze - stuck in an endless loop of scrolling -already addicted- I shudder to think how they will grow up and think past time is supposed to be
Why do people not want to be closer to nature - to experience serendipity - to just see the leaves rustle and count the number of branches in a tree above a certain level?
Why is it not the norm to live by a code - not those made popular by general society for the benefit of a few - but a code that each person personally believes in?
Why do we have to be attached to things? Why is there no end to wanting?
Why is just taking a bus to nowhere not more common?
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