Notes from Hyd Trip -12th Feb 2025

Why holidays to a different city is good:
I hate taking time off - not like when I don't take any break, it makes any difference; I am very unproductive most of the time anyways

However, a different city, a decent place close to nature ( a lake, a park) with a market nearby (full of people of different walks of life) - that's my happy place to recharge - take a stroll, have a tea, observe some people, walk around in nature - it nourishes my soul

Always felt high society to be such a "mendokusai" - having people from different walks of life and the ability to stroll around and explore as something that is very important for me. It reminds me of the privilege I have in everyday situations and how the things that I take for granted are what more hardworking people yearn for and yet are unable to achieve.

I get too caught up in my head/plans but am unable to execute most of the times - stuck in a rut - just like my runs not improving if I over analyze - mandatory time off helps break the cycle - moreoever, I start a lot of things and leave them halfway


There is the logical side of it, as illustrated above but also a case to be made for a the soul-nourishing human side of it. I am insignificant. I will die. Nobody will (or is supposed to) remember how many early mornings I commuted to work or how much I put into every proposal that got rejected. I didn't do it for the validation. But fighting the good (or selfish and stubborn) fight does take its toll. It is okay to pause and reflect.
To remind myself that it is alright.
To remind myself of why I started in the first place.
To remind myself of how far I have come.
To remind myself of the people who matter (M,P,R,C,MJi,MMa,NNji)
To remind myself that I need to also do right by the people who matter
To remind myself that in the end, it is okay to forgive myself and also heal myself because only I truly know how far I have depleted myself and the onus lies on me to recharge and ask help if I am struggling.

This recharging sojourn also gives me more energy to regroup and work on my next step. There definitely needs to be one. However, the biggest takeaway is also the fact that I absolutely cannot do without planned breaks. No point going to the extreme from being well travelled to not travelling at all. I need to plan to explore because it is the very fuel that recharges me. However, it cannot become a crutch. I have to keep myself accountable, while also learning to let go.

I can't control everything. Hell, I can't control anything other than myself and even that I fail to do most of the time. I can't control how people will feel. I can't control how people will react to my behaviour or even understand my POV. Which is why I need to evaluate my decisions on a separate metric. A metric that is independent of people's reaction to my stand. I need to do what is right by those metrics, regardless of the resistance. However, it would be imprudent to tune feedback out.

Listen. Implement what is needed. Stand firm where required. Keep going. Don't forget the people and things that matter.

Thanks Alice for being there listening to my rants!