Lights out Alice!
I have self-labelled myself as an empath, but there are days that I just want to ask whether is it really a bleeding heart or a more nuanced and evolved way of staying in a familiar pattern and known feeling of being sad so that I don't have to worry about being happy just for it to be snatched away without notice.
I currently find myself in a situation where there is a holding pattern that has enough push and pull element in it to keep me empathetic while feeling sad in a second hand fashion as well as helpless enough, on account of it not being an easy situation to deal with, that makes me keep coming back for more.
On multiple occasions I have found myself questioning why I am back inside the eye of the whirlpool again but just like any other addict and of the multitude of addictions in my life, I crawl back like a soldier to the source of the misery.
No, this is not to say that the person or the circumstance is particularly bad or wrong. It is just that I feel too much to not be over invested which then leads to hurt which then leads to withdrawal which then gets the other party to question change in stance which then gets me to think over my actions which then gets me to question whether I am over reacting to a situation which then gets me to think if my emotions or feelings matter in this situation given the other person's peril which then gets me to think of the original objectives which did not include my feelings in the mix which should remain the north star all the time but by this time the other person has dropped a bread crumb seeing me repress myself and entices me just enough to get me to come back in the loop, mainly by talking about the pain.
I don't think I will ever get out of this loop Alice!
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