Lights out Alice!
Been a while. Been a bit lost. Struggling to adapt to the pace of work, or lack of it. Yes, the lack of it. I have come to the realisation that unless I have too many things on my plate, I struggle to get anything done. Unless I am overwhelmed or near capacity, I struggle to function. In other words, in a sub-optimal setting, my productivity becomes near zero. Furthermore, having too many things to do ensures that I am always occupied and also get instant gratification on completing a task. To be fair, I would still be okay if I fail to complete, because given the condition that I started out with too many things on my plate, I effectively tell myself it is okay to fail. This backfires in exacting situations. Situations that demand specific outputs and or dedicated focus. Situations that demand singular course of action.
The lack of work these days is filling me up with anxiety. I am unable to utilize my time productively, because I feel that anything I do is not useful enough or not aligned and since I am not receiving feedback on it, I am afraid to be wrong.
Crap, that's pretty bad though. I have become so addicted to short term feedback and doing exactly what is expected of me, living within a system that going against it is crippling. A pretty sorry state of affairs if you ask me.
How do I rewire myself Alice? How do I break the loop? How do I tear down my limitations and grow good habits that will help me build my long term?
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