Lights out Alice!
It has been a hectic couple of days, but contrary to what people would say, I love the intensity. When I have lots to do, I am pushing and optimising and it is a good state to be because I get to push out my problems and my brain is not getting onto idiotic train of thoughts.
But just like any other addiction, even though the high may feel good, it is never worth it. Primarily because the high comes at a cost. The most important cost being that it sets the benchmark for mimimum level of intensity to get the even lower amount of adrenaline high. This is a slippery slope, one which left unchecked, like any addiction, requires one to up their dosage on each subsequent use. Temperance is key. Balancing highs while managing lows is the only approach that is sustainable, especially for an intensity junkie like me.
Now with that disclaimer and pep talk out of the way, let me tell you exactly why I am a junkie.
I am back on a caffiene high, drinking chai in copious amounts before the effect wears off. Call that around 4-5 mugs or 6-7 cups a day. This means I have loads of energy to spare, which means I want to do EVERYTHING but rest, and pushing myself to take up 15 parallel tasks at the same time in an unreasonable amount of time to create a false sense of pressure without actually completeting anything. Now that I read it back, this is probably why I used to like the intensity of MBA, because it was adjacent to medicated opium for me.
The rational side of me keeps reminding me that this is a bad habit but then I just drown it out or burn it down with a hot cup of tea!
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