I am happy and sad, but is that bad?

Lights out Alice!

I initially wanted to write that the demons are back and I am pretty sad. Then I realized that I am currently sitting on the rooftop of a 16th floor hotel overlooking the Arabian sea on one side, Malabar Hills on another, Gateway of Indian on another and has a direct view to the home of the Ambanis but I am still kinda sad and mostly lost.

Yesterday, I had a pretty stonking day wherein I got to travel across Mumbai, in the rains, which is a pretty big plus, see cool cars, travel in empty trains at nights, all things that pretty much make for a perfect evening. Oh, not to discount the highlight of my day, which was getting to meet my sister, although it was only for half an hour.

I really like sombre evenings post rain, when the air is filled with earthen hope, cleansed of any past misgivings, with surroundings so vivid in colour that it fills ones heads with hope and etches ideas and optimism in colour. 

I don't know why I love travelling in trains, probably because my dad and my granddad were in the Railways and it was pretty much the coolest thing growing up. I always wanted to be a top engineer in the Railways, to bring about exciting innovations and be the change that I wanted to see in it. Even today, when I know that dream is long gone and the path that life has chosen for me has deviated from a government job or even traditional engineering domain, I still share the same passion and enthusiasm for trains, engineering and science. To be fair, I would like to believe that liking has increased somewhat given that it no longer has to fight the drudgery of politics, bureaucracy or the constant stressful feeling of being a below-average engineer in the field I really wanted to excel at. Every thing becomes a bit more rosy and appealing as long as you look at it from the outside and don't have to deal with the nitty-gritties. I think most of the things I like stem from that idea. I patronize and create a mirage of the best bits of a particular profession without taking into account the realities that accompany it side by side. I particularly like cars and would in a breath take up a job in the field, but I also know the sad reality that not everyone would share the same passion and enthusiasm for it and it might be a let down for me when I get there. I also believe that it can be the case that my knowledge and understanding will not stand the realities of the field and that I would be woefully inadequate when it came to actually wading through the depths of reality.