Wanting to do too much

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Lights out Alice,

As usual, I go on spirals where I want to learn everything I come across. I mean EVERYTHING that catches my fancy. Enroll to courses, buy books and plot career paths in fields I will never pursue. The whole shebang.

On the outside, it sounds cool to be so curious but reality is starkly grim. It is a directionless Brownian motion wherein you never really get anywhere. There is no actual impact created, no value generated, to use but a few cliched but highly relevant terms used in the MBA curriculum. 

We have been taught a very good fact checker question that every startup or founder should ask themselves, "What problem are you solving for the customers?" Extrapolating this to doing things in life, this one question is enough to separate pointless pursuits against those which contribute, however little it may be, towards the end goal. You may now question this line of thought by countering that nobody really knows what their end goal is or where they are actually headed. To this I would counter by a similarly cliched answer, "If you have to ask, then you probably already know the answer and probably are not ready to accept it." In this hustle culture, we get lost in doing things without actually sitting back and doing a cost benefit analysis (pardon my pfaff). Being busy is considered equivalent to being productive. Doing things just for the sake of a CV pointer, in my reckless head, is not worthy enough cause to be miserable. Yes, I know even the dreamiest of Jobs have only 30% things which one would like and the rest 70% mundanity that one has to wade through. What we forget to consider is whether the 30% motivates us enough to survive the 70%. Why are we doing it? What is the end game? Will it add to where I want to go eventually or am I just driving in circles?

Just yesterday, in Organisational Design and Change class, we were given a good look at the mirror. The dynamic, ever pushing relentless pursuit that is grained in us from day 1 of a business degree was called into question. Why does a company exist? What is the purpose of a company's pursuit? Does it really need to maximize profits? A company exists to maximize stakeholder's wealth or satisfaction. It doesn't need to hunt for growth. It doesn't need to hunt for more profits as long as the end owner (in a privately owned firm) is satisfied with the current output and profit. A product differentiation strategy can have a fatter operation and they do not need to run lean in every aspect or have very high levels of utilisation of resources or manpower. Just because the CEO is laid back does not mean he is a bad CEO. Just because he has reasonable goals and has met them doesn't mean that he is not trying hard enough. As managers or even leaders, we need to stop superimposing our POV unto others and looks at everything without bias. As easy it is to say and as hard it is to implement, it needs to be done if we are going to be better tomorrow than we are today. It is important to not let prejudices and malice colour our views. A person is not a firm and our personal opinion of a person taking frequent vacations should not be the decision criterion on how they work. 

Going further and bringing it back to something I have been reflecting for the past few weeks is the line of questioning, "What am I doing with my life?"  "Where am I headed?" "What's my end goal?" "Do you want to be just another manager in a big firm or want to make a difference?" Although I have clear answers for the last one, what I lack is conviction or the discipline that is pivotal in a successful founder (not in terms of profits, but in terms of being able to solve the problem they set out to solve). Discipline is key. Going through the motions doesn't help anybody but concrete steps determined towards a particular destination do. The path isn't clear and forever beyond our control, but what we can do is put in the time, put in the effort on the little steps that will hopefully add up to help you get there.

I don't mind failing, but I mind taking other people down with me. I already disappoint on multiple fronts and multiple people everyday (I top the list on people I disappoint) hence do not want to make it worse off for anybody I care about or otherwise(although this is beyond my control).

As always, keep at it and lights out Alice!