Lights out Alice!
Hope you are getting enough sleep and rest these days, since I am not getting both (i think but am not sure) and am largely lethargic in my actions, and since I have lost all my studying habits, I am heading face first towards the wall of doom that ends with the pain of recurring failure that once again turns up to put you down.
After a sudden climactic talk with Param yesterday night, wherein the question of "friendship being over" was raised, the call came today wherein I was expecting a heated discussion on why the thing that happened, ever happened. But, to my dismay, the usual Param was on the call and hence, everything but fruitful discussion on the situation took place. Param was as usual, harping on the small talk, the usual "I will fail because there is a lot to study and I have not gotten round to any of it", the usual "what should I do" things. I am not saying that it is a load of crap, but am saying this that after mentioning all of this, a person should be ready to take help, which Param refuses to do (although now that i read this sentence, I do realise that asking for help is not an easy thing).
Where does it leave me?
Nowhere, I suppose. I don't do small talk, that's it. I used to do that for Param and for the sake of not being rude. I would like the small talk wherein you let me help you with an issue and I can learn from the discussion, mutually benefiting both of parties and making me more understanding than I started out with. Baseless, meaningless discussions where you are only giving me less than 1% opening into your mindset, ideologies and habits are something that doesn't excite me. I guess, I need to slowly fade away, like the state that was a few months back, not start any conversation but not be discourteous so as to not reply to a conversation.
I would like the opportunity to be a shoulder that you can rest your weary head on, but I can only offer it so many times. Rejection is not a happy feeling but just leaving the "offered shoulder" out in cold without rejecting or accepting is the worst. In conclusion, this leads me to think that I am offering too much on the table with the returns not coming. It is not that I haven't been patient, I have been. It's been around four years now (quite a long time).
I think it's time to call it quits.
"To say goodbye is to die a little." - Raymond Chandler
Don't you cry Alice! Everything happens for the best (I hope!)
Hope you are getting enough sleep and rest these days, since I am not getting both (i think but am not sure) and am largely lethargic in my actions, and since I have lost all my studying habits, I am heading face first towards the wall of doom that ends with the pain of recurring failure that once again turns up to put you down.
After a sudden climactic talk with Param yesterday night, wherein the question of "friendship being over" was raised, the call came today wherein I was expecting a heated discussion on why the thing that happened, ever happened. But, to my dismay, the usual Param was on the call and hence, everything but fruitful discussion on the situation took place. Param was as usual, harping on the small talk, the usual "I will fail because there is a lot to study and I have not gotten round to any of it", the usual "what should I do" things. I am not saying that it is a load of crap, but am saying this that after mentioning all of this, a person should be ready to take help, which Param refuses to do (although now that i read this sentence, I do realise that asking for help is not an easy thing).
Where does it leave me?
Nowhere, I suppose. I don't do small talk, that's it. I used to do that for Param and for the sake of not being rude. I would like the small talk wherein you let me help you with an issue and I can learn from the discussion, mutually benefiting both of parties and making me more understanding than I started out with. Baseless, meaningless discussions where you are only giving me less than 1% opening into your mindset, ideologies and habits are something that doesn't excite me. I guess, I need to slowly fade away, like the state that was a few months back, not start any conversation but not be discourteous so as to not reply to a conversation.
I would like the opportunity to be a shoulder that you can rest your weary head on, but I can only offer it so many times. Rejection is not a happy feeling but just leaving the "offered shoulder" out in cold without rejecting or accepting is the worst. In conclusion, this leads me to think that I am offering too much on the table with the returns not coming. It is not that I haven't been patient, I have been. It's been around four years now (quite a long time).
I think it's time to call it quits.
"To say goodbye is to die a little." - Raymond Chandler
Don't you cry Alice! Everything happens for the best (I hope!)
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