Lights out Alice!
I found a friend. Friends actually. I make it a point to drive out all people in my life who don't stand up to the scrutiny of my intellectual standards. Funny thing is, I myself am not aware of what all are my standards, how I ended up with such a standard, or even the fact that if I myself would be able to pass the scrutiny of such standards.
I pride and frown on the achievement and deception that even after three years of sharing a classroom, I am unfamiliar with the names of most of my classmates. Sneering myself upon a pedestal, an imaginary high-horse that somehow puts me on a peg above the rest. I loathe this version of myself and it's safe to say that this guy sucks.
But, I found a few people who could penetrate through the uncouth and repulsive behavior that i aggressively display and get to the vulnerable me. Param, Pit, DC, CK and Chemical are all brave examples of the same. These men and women have given me a second chance, some even more in being a better person with them, rid of all judgement and looking down upon. I pity myself for such behavior and I can say that all I want is nothing more, than to be a humble, respectful and logical human being that loves his parents and family and unequivocally reciprocates all the sacrifices that they have made for him.
Thank you P, M, R, C, Mji, SKB, Param, Pit and DC for being there. I know these times will never come back and you can rest assured that I ensured that I enjoyed and savored every last bit of it.
Addition on 25th Sept, 2017:
Param, if you must know, and if you ever read this, I always wanted you to rise to the top, actually, I want to be rising to the top with you, me supporting you every step of the way. The best in all of us, is what I see and the best I wanted you to be. I am sorry that my advances or my repetitive scheduling of a meet (which mostly ended in a failure) caused you trouble, but I understand that it is a confusing time for all of us. We understand very little of the world and how it functions, yet our brains tells us otherwise and tells us that we have "figured it out". The simple truth is, it was me being needy and selfish and that is something i will resent.
You know, if I could take back the things i said, i would. Actually, I wouldn't, because, that is the problem. That's just who I am. I am incapable of swallowing feelings for the greater good. I vent them out under the cover of "truth", where it is actually a farce meant to shrug the responsibility of my failures and shortfall to the listener. Damn, I actually am a very selfish and hateworthy human being.
Can I be better Alice?
I found a friend. Friends actually. I make it a point to drive out all people in my life who don't stand up to the scrutiny of my intellectual standards. Funny thing is, I myself am not aware of what all are my standards, how I ended up with such a standard, or even the fact that if I myself would be able to pass the scrutiny of such standards.
I pride and frown on the achievement and deception that even after three years of sharing a classroom, I am unfamiliar with the names of most of my classmates. Sneering myself upon a pedestal, an imaginary high-horse that somehow puts me on a peg above the rest. I loathe this version of myself and it's safe to say that this guy sucks.
But, I found a few people who could penetrate through the uncouth and repulsive behavior that i aggressively display and get to the vulnerable me. Param, Pit, DC, CK and Chemical are all brave examples of the same. These men and women have given me a second chance, some even more in being a better person with them, rid of all judgement and looking down upon. I pity myself for such behavior and I can say that all I want is nothing more, than to be a humble, respectful and logical human being that loves his parents and family and unequivocally reciprocates all the sacrifices that they have made for him.
Thank you P, M, R, C, Mji, SKB, Param, Pit and DC for being there. I know these times will never come back and you can rest assured that I ensured that I enjoyed and savored every last bit of it.
Addition on 25th Sept, 2017:
Param, if you must know, and if you ever read this, I always wanted you to rise to the top, actually, I want to be rising to the top with you, me supporting you every step of the way. The best in all of us, is what I see and the best I wanted you to be. I am sorry that my advances or my repetitive scheduling of a meet (which mostly ended in a failure) caused you trouble, but I understand that it is a confusing time for all of us. We understand very little of the world and how it functions, yet our brains tells us otherwise and tells us that we have "figured it out". The simple truth is, it was me being needy and selfish and that is something i will resent.
You know, if I could take back the things i said, i would. Actually, I wouldn't, because, that is the problem. That's just who I am. I am incapable of swallowing feelings for the greater good. I vent them out under the cover of "truth", where it is actually a farce meant to shrug the responsibility of my failures and shortfall to the listener. Damn, I actually am a very selfish and hateworthy human being.
Can I be better Alice?
No comments:
Post a Comment