Best thing I have read today

Cancer wards tell a consistent story: Regret belongs to those who remained loyal to expectations rather than to themselves.

I guess I am grateful

 Lights out Alice!

In the RC story, there have been some developments that I wanted to apprise you of. The person, as my initial hypothesis had concluded, is a pretty good person. More than that, they believe in taking care of the ones that take care. They put in the effort. Obviously, expecting people to be at the level that I had put them on is wrong because they might not have anything towards me in the first place and that's alright.

However, the reason I needed to note this down is that there was something special that transpired last Saturday night when we went on an impromptu trip to India gate. She let her walls down and showed trust. She was going through something in the background and yet chose to forget about it and let me distract her. I know we operate using the same playbook and hence I am aware that it is a choice to let people or things distract you because if we want, we can be stuck inside our head and let nothing come in between. 

If I know anything about that person, I know how big a deal that is and I have to take into account the herculean task this was on her end to let her walls down to the person who has been nothing but a burden to her. 

I always come off as needy, anxious and insecure, mostly because I am, but if I could do something to change my ways, I would always like to remind myself to come back to this fact that there are awesome people like RC in this world who did treat me right, who held space for my myriad tantrums, who reassured my overthinking brain, who made space for my explanations, who listened without judgement.

I know I cannot get her to stay. People like her deserve so much better than the trash I am. But I have to acknowledge the fact that she was one of the few people who actually saw me and heard me and I did not have to put up a mask or talk in a way she would understand. No, it doesn't take away the need to communicate what we are actually feeling and thinking, but it made it less of an effort and more of a choice that I was willing to make.