Lights out Alice,
It has been a while since I last typed out my thoughts. No, I do not lack thoughts but am plagued by procrastination that gives me an overwhelming sense of achievement after just doing the initial 10 percent and then dropping out. This is just straight up indiscipline on my end, but hey, journey to getting rid of procrastination is no different than any other addiction, in which it is a long road, riddled with obstacles of temptation and dead ends of relapse. The point is to never give up trying. One good day, one good study session or even one good problem solved is all you need to turn it all around. Maintaining that positive momentum though is another ball game. Maintaining a high level of function over a long period of time is what separates the best from the rest. You can have a bad day. But how you pick yourself up, or rather, how fast you pick yourself up from that bad day to get back to the upper echelons of your performance is what will define you.
If you think that this post will have a bulleted list pointing out my positives and negatives, you are wrong since these attributes need an outlying condition to colour themselves in. In certain situations, I may find them helpful and in another set of conditions they can be a crutch. Every product has a pre-defined working condition and using it outside of those set of conditions may give you adverse results or even sometimes false positives, but they are not dependable since the data is tainted by its incorrect operating conditions.
As I would have mentioned multiple times on multiple occasions, I like starting new things, thinking of new ideas, but occasionally fail to see them through. I started this post but failed to complete it. This is my second attempt at completing it. I cannot completely and immediately eliminate this bad habit of leaving things incomplete, but I can put fail-safe in my working methodology to remind me of a pending work. For instance, I purposely left the draft tab of this blog open to remind myself of this pending work the next time I opened my laptop. I know that always trying to find a work around leads you to occasionally skip understanding the design purpose of a system and why it was made that way and more often than not, people end up using the product incorrectly and then blame the product. Similar to this product design philosophy, sometimes you just have to force yourself to do the difficult thing, to finish what you start, to not leave things hanging. Other times you just take the loss in your stride and strive to be better the next time round.
As I mentioned in the initial stages of this blog, ever potential flaw can also be a positive given the right operating circumstance. My inability to complete things in one go has also lead me to always linger on a matter till it is actually complete. I do procrastinate, but their is a morsel of remorse in the back of my mind like a subtle back pain that becomes profoundly obvious every time you try getting up. Hence, I have also developed an attitude of keeping at it till I get it done. Yes, I make take a longer time than required, yes, the quality of work may be worse than expected, but, I will get it done. Now, tomorrow or even six months after everyone has forgotten about it. Obviously, it is not always the case and this lingering attitude only works 75 percent of the time.
Another "characteristic flaw" in me is my ability to hit the refresh button every day. That's a pretty nice way of saying, I forget a lot. Like a LOT. The only saving grace is that sometimes, although not enough times, my subconscious remembers it for me. I am pretty forgetful and I can barely remember formulas. This has been made worse by me simply accepting this fate and not doing a whole lot to improve my memory. I can remember complex processes, as long as I can visualize it, and paint a graphic picture in my head as to the how and why it came about. But remembering a piece of information without the reference to connect it to and without the why or the how is simply a losing battle for me. I am really bad at connecting dots when explained by someone else and my brain refuses to retain or understand anything that it itself doesn't get to first. My brain has to tread it's own course and chart it's own path. Once it does that and notes the problems that have occurred, only then can it listen to others. After that, it also likes to find similarities in the troubles faced by others to take solace in the fact that it wasn't the only one. Yes, I do realize I am talking about my brain like it is a different person but that's just it, it is. I, as a body just feel like I am just reacting to the whims and fancies of my brain.
Now, the positive part of this forgetfulness. I can reset. I can forget yesterday and reset and try again the next day. When I wake up, I do not carry over anything from yesterday. Sadly, it also implies that I lose my motivation as well and need time to get started on my day. I need to remind myself of my goals, my reasons to pursue what I need to be pursuing and caution myself against making the same mistakes I have been making in the past. Unfortunately, it doesn't always work. There are days when I forget why I need to working instead of procrastinating. There are days when I end up making the same mistakes I hated myself for making a few weeks back. Most days I am barely able to stick to the plan I made for myself the previous night.
But, there are also some days when I wake up and am just able to solve that one question that had been bugging me for a week. There are also some days in which I can wake up and understand a process clearly and figure out the potential pros and cons ahead of time. There are days where I can visualize a user experience better than others because I can put myself in the frame of mind where I am experiencing the product for the first time. I can put on the hat of what a user wants, what a particular level of familiarity with the product can bring and what should or shouldn't be expected of a new user that is experiencing the product for the first time. I can tell you the pros and cons of a product user experience better than most on some days. And those are the days that make me less remorseful of the negative days.
Alice, I do hope that I can swing more positive days over negative ones, but as always, I will keep striving for more. Till then...
Lights out Alice!
